I’m hyper sensitive. I’m heavily impacted by things of inspiration or a lack thereof. I cry watching laundry commercials and pass out if I see overwhelming violence. I was always this way.
Maturity, as it relates to me, means being able to compartmentalize my emotions. I can conjure feelings and go to the wall with them very quickly like actors do but I’m a terrible actor because there are no “characters”. When I see movies, even if I’m reading the script with the lights on, I connect with moments as if they are really happening. It IS happening to the people on screen, to me and to everyone I love. I can’t tell the difference between make believe and reality. I’ll imagine someone’s entire history and universe of circumstances and relate it back to myself instantly. I’m overly empathic, perhaps too deeply in touch with what’s sad, scary, intense or whatever the emotion.Harnessing that hyper empathic quality inspires me. If I go more than 2 days without hearing, seeing or reading something that drives me to create, I get weird. Everything is an inner contest. How good can I make that snare drum sound? How can I match this phrase with a sound that relates to the images on screen? How can I put these puzzle pieces together even though they don’t seemingly fit? How far can I push the emotion in a scene before I’ve gone too far and taken it over? You’ve got to go too far to know how far “too far” is. And for a person who feels too much, nothing makes one feel more alive.